Camaraderie

ca . ma . ra . de . rie/noun/ friendship, fellowship, companionship

When the roses lose their fragrance,

And the world seems at an end,

When the day has lost its gladness,

What a blessing  is a friend.

                                Anonymous

The  word camaraderie  shouts togetherness. With its five fluid vowels, the syllables  huddle in closeness. It seems that today more than ever, we need the togetherness that this word suggests.

There is another word that is often confused with camaraderie, and that is comradery, which means just about the same thing. But if you’re someone who  pays attention to the  sound of words, you’ll  notice that comradery is not as smooth-sounding, not as enticing in its appeal. Camaraderie came into the English language from French. It is what linguists call a borrowing, a word taken into English from another language. Some borrowings  can be easily spotted  because they keep their form as well as some of their sound. Have a little fun guessing (before you Google) which language these borrowed words came from: lens, alumnus, safari,  coleslaw, delicatessen, sleigh, canyon, tortilla, prairie, and waffle.

Comradery is now recognized as a variant of camaraderie, but camaraderie is the preferred usage. Be sure, however, not to make the mistake of writing comraderie. It is incorrect.

I chose camaraderie as the word for this week because I wanted to write about friendship, even though the word friendship is only one of a large number  of synonyms or near-synonyms for  camaraderie.

Friendship can be experienced in different situations and is a special kind of closeness. It is the spirit of oneness that characterizes two individuals, a group, a team, or a family. Leading up to the recent Independence Day celebration,  I heard a radio interview in which a man spoke about the closeness–the friendship–that he and his comrades in arms had shared during wartime. Although their time together is now in the distant past, his words and  voice conveyed the feeling  of togetherness that existed among those men, a feeling that made them willing to sacrifice everything for one another.

How wonderful it is to have friends–from school days, from college, at church, in the workplace, in the family, in a marriage. I am thankful for the many friends that I have. We came together in friendship from different areas of life,  and everyone of my friends is precious to me.

Some people complain about the stressful relationships they experience at work, but workplace friendships can create bonds that duplicate  family ties. In the large high school English department where I worked for 9 years, the camaraderie that we shared made going to work a pleasure. We were a team that looked out for one another; we got together at a  home, in a classroom, or at a restaurant. We were friends who cared about one another–no friction, no back-stabbing. Everyone was affirmed. We celebrated one another’s special occasions. When I was leaving the department to take a college position, the chairperson sent around a note to all the other department members, telling about a celebration for me. Unfortunately, the youngster with the note didn’t know its contents and showed it to me. I read it and dashed over to our chairperson’s classroom. “No! No!” I told her. “Don’t do anything for me.” She agreed not to, but a week later, I was asked to come to one of our classroom getogethers for a food sampling. Surprise! It was my farewell party. They weren’t about to let one of the group go without showing their special friendship..

In a MS magazine column titled  “In Praise of Friends,” Barbara Erenreich wrote that  “most of us would never survive our families if we didn’t have friends.”  Despite the humor, there is  truth hidden in her words. In a fractured world, it is healing to have a circle of friends that help us seal up the cracks. God gave us friends to help us survive the difficult times, even in families, and to help us maintain wholeness.

A friendship takes time to build, but some individuals seem to have a microwave mentality that leads  them to create what has been dubbed  “microwave friendships.” They pop themselves into other people’s lives and expect to become instant friends. Think Facebook. But one commentator on friendship notes that “it is an evidence of great folly to treat people as bosom friends before we know them.” We all remember Polonius’s advice to Laertes  concerning the friends he already had: “Grapple them to thy bosom with hoops of steel.”  He cautioned, however, “But do not dull thy palm with entertainment / Of each new-hatched unfledged comrade.” Give a relationship time to build.

Do you have friends? If you don’t, would you like to have some? The wise man Solomon has the formula. “A man (woman) that hath friends must show himself  (herself) friendly.” And Solomon goes on to say, “there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” Now that is the kind of friend all of us would like to have, I’m sure. And also the kind that we should be: friends that stick with us in all our difficult circumstances, and we being there for them in their time of need. Caring, nurturing, encouraging, supporting: that’s what friends are for.

Friends are also for showing compassion and understanding. We are good at being friends in certain situations. Sudden death strikes a member of our friend’s family, and we are galvanized into action. We find the right words to say, and know  exactly what to do. But there are other kinds of tragedy that demand that we act as friends. Our friend is distraught that his or her child is on drugs or in jail, or the spouse has found another field to graze in. Or in the current unsettled national immigration atmosphere, a friend is burdened that a  family member is facing deportation.  How do we respond then? If we are a friend, we react with loving trust and compassion. That’s what friends are for.

The power of the friendship bond is well documented in sacred as well as secular writings. Think of Homer’s Iliad where there is a strong friendship between Achilles and Patroclus. When Patroclus dies at the hand of the Trojan Hector, Achilles’ love for his slain friend energizes him to shake off his dejection and  go out to fight a winning battle. In the Bible, the relationship between David the shepherd boy and Jonathan the king’s son shows them to be devoted friends, sticking closer than brothers. Their  friendship  is often used as a template for fidelity and steadfast love. In the Gospel of John,  we read of Jesus talking with His disciples,   reminding them that He has not called them servants, but  “I have called you friends.” Such a privilege! Jesus the Good Friend who knows everything about us and still loves us. The Good Friend who sticks closer than a brother. The Good Friend who loved us so much that He was willing to go the distance, laying down His life for us. That’s what this Friend is for.

Blessings,

Judith

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The Summer Readers Catalog, filled with great books for your summer reading enjoyment. is now available. My books Mr. Michael: Journeying with My Special Son and Breaking Away are displayed in it. You can see them at http://southernwritersmagazineblogspot.com. Please tell your friends about it also. Thanks.