Listening

LISTEN:  (verb) “To pay attention to someone. . . in order to hear what is being said.” ( Merriam Webster Dictionary)

I came across a newspaper clipping in my files the other day concerning the British  Commonwealth Essay Competition for students in the year 2000. It had as its topic, “What would you most like to have learned at school  that you were not taught?”  The winning essay was thoughtfully written by a fifteen-year-old from Singapore.  In  it the student wrote, “School enlightened me on speaking well, but did infinitesimal  in teaching me how to listen.” Most of us would agree with the young writer. Our word for this week, listening, is a simple one that all of us know, and we should also know that  good listening is  a skill that is fundamental to making social interactions work smoothly.

How well we listen can affect  us in many ways, including in our relationships  with others, yet it is a skill  not seen often enough in everyday life.  I  heard it said of an individual at his passing recently, “He was the finest listener.” That is a grand tribute.  To be a good listener, even one of the finest listeners, should be our goal. We have to listen to communicate well, but most of us are self-taught in this regard, never having received listening lessons in school. At times when I presented a workshop on improving public speaking skills, I tossed in a few pointers on listening. I share some of them that have proved useful in developing skill as an intentional listener.

1. LIMIT YOUR OWN TALKING.
   You can’t talk and listen at the same time. Most of us prefer talking to listening. Even when we are not talking, we are inclined to concentrate on what to say next  rather than to listen to the speaker. Stop talking and listen is the first commandment in effective listening.
2. LISTEN FOR IDEAS, NOT JUST WORDS.
   You want to get the whole picture, not simply isolated bits and pieces.
3. ASK QUESTIONS
   Questions usually demonstrate that the hearer is truly listening. Questions also help in clearing up a possible  misunderstanding in meaning.
4. DON’T INTERRUPT
   A pause, even a seemingly long pause, doesn’t always mean that the person is finished saying  everything he or she wants to. Just wait.
5. CONCENTRATE
   In face-to-face conversation, look at the speaker. Make proper eye contact, and  show interest in what the person is saying.
6. TURN OFF YOUR OWN WORRIES
   Personal fears, worries, and problems not connected with the  conversation at the moment form a kind of static that can interfere with clear communication.
7. AVOID DISTRACTIONS
   Especially in the workplace,  examples of distractions are doodling, reading, looking at your watch, tapping your pencil, or shuffling papers. Give the speaker the respect of your full attention.  As F. Scott Peck, author of  The Road Less Traveled,  has said, “You cannot truly listen to anyone  and do anything at the same time.”
8. USE INTERJECTIONS
   An occasional “Yes”  or “I see”  shows the other  person  you are still listening, but don’t overdo it so that it becomes meaningless or annoying.
9. DON’T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS
   Avoid making unwarranted assumptions about what the person is going to say next, and don’t try to complete  his or her sentences.
10. REACT TO IDEAS, NOT TO THE PERSON
    Try not to show irritation with the other person because of what he or she may be saying. Speak to the issue  or idea being discussed.  Hold your temper and avoid being argumentative.

These few pointers may not satisfy  our student essay writer, but they should at least draw our attention to the need  for better listening in our families, in the workplace, and in our friendships.  Effective communication hinges on effective listening.  It should bring us great comfort to know that we have a most attentive Listener, whose ears are always open to hear us (Psalm 34:15).   In Him can be found  all of the qualities of good listening. Let us learn from Him.

Blessings,

Judith

*****

“We have two ears and one tongue so that we will listen more and talk less.”
Diogenes